My Paddys girlz. I slapped a couple good size back pieces on em yesterday. Very groov-a clients
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Dahkness!!!!!! ...."THE CHAMP IS HERE".... "Finally... E.V.I.L. has com back to Loaded Joes"... trivia night at Loaded Joes is just a blast. Last night was tons of fun. It funny how all of our little senses of humor work with each other. I can't explaine how hilarious is to watch a common theme joke run from on side of the table to the other. My sides hurt from laughing so much. Good way to get back in the land of the living. This is Craig holding up the title belt. Thus far.... three notches.... looking for more. We always shoot for 1st or 3rd. Honestly, I think we gun for third most of the time.
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OK... clarification time. I've been bum rushed over the last couple days because of my previous post. It's amazing how a couple of honest posts can make people worry about you. First off... I'm fine. There is air in my lungs, food in my stomach, and I have a warm place to sleep tonight. Everything else is just frosting on the cake.

I guess sometimes I forget that someone else might be reading what I post up. Oops. Who Watches The Watchers is just a way for me to put some of myself in a place I can check in on.... well me. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's serious. But the one thing I want it to be most of all is real. If I wanted a little blog where I told everyone how wonderful the world is and post up pictures of kittens, smiley faces, and little non threating jokes , I would have it. But that's not me all the time. Don't misunderstand me. I think this world is awesome. I love life. But I love all facets of it. Ups, Downs, Love, Pain, Black, White. I'm just like everyone else, I'm just dumping myself in a electronic diary. Some of the things I write on here is the shit I can't explain in a face to face with someone. This is for me. Not you.

I want to be able to go back at reread all this, and recall where I was at the time of writing. There's a bunch of people who read this that I love and care about, and I'm thrilled that I can give a glimpse into my world. It's really cool. But even if no one read I'd still post up the same things. I feel I'd be betraying myself if all the sudden I started only portraying the positives in my life, and went back and deleted all the posts where I was expressing some of my fears. I'm reminded of the line in "Naked Lunch".... "To go back and rewrite and edit your thoughts is a betrayal. It's a sin". Has it been kind of a rough week... fuck yeah... So much fucking snow I'm going to be sick, 13 and I cooled down for the last 6 days, money issues, Broncos lost, I might put a guy in the hospital tonight, all the basic shit in life. Budding romance and a snow storm that has lasted longer then I can remember, can put someone in a funk. But I move on. Last night was great. 13 and I watched "True Romance" at the shop. Things come back around. As I look out the window I see nothing but snow... and snow.... and snow blowing sideways.... ugggghhhh...I hate that shit..... but I know one day it will be gone. Green will return to the mountain, my tires will once again have traction, and I'll be able to walk outside without having to wear four layers of clothing. I look at all the things in my life the same way as I see the snow, just because I don't post about it, doesn't mean I'm not aware of the "This Too Shall Pass" concept. I just don't post about it all the time. I hope this helps you out, my dear reader. I'm doing just fine.

Everything's Cool. Love you all!!!!!

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You know... I hit one of those points where self preservation kicks in and the bullshit in life gets filtered out. I got lucky. I had a couple good tattoos that made my mind focus on nothing but the project at hand. I knew I had a roller coaster ride coming. Damn I hate being right all the time.... yeah sure. I had some people basically ask me if it was worth it... anyone reading this shit knows my stance. I started putting some serious thought to it.. and yeah...I would really dig having one of those perfect world scenarios. It would be great..for a couple months... and then I'd get so board I'd destroy it.. or she would. At least that's my assumption. One way or another. I'm an artist. Not a technician. I find symbolism in everything. I see beauty in the darkest places of the soul, and evil in the happiest places in life. Nothing is ever as it seems. Ever. �This too shall pass� At the best of times and the worst of times. It's all going to go away. I've noticed... I need something to be wrong... or hard... or a little off. But I only want it when I have a pencil in my hand and a fresh sketch book. Pain is a fantastic vehicle which artist use as fuel. As I look over the computer I see a clipping from a news paper. It says �TO BE AVERAGE SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME� -Dick Seeger. That sums a bunch of it up. Perceived
fear... drives emotional fear... which transforms into physical fear... and it perpetuates and spirals and rises and falls. The roller coaster. Shear terror and pleasure mixed into the basic life. And somewhere in there a piece of art is created which most will not understand... and fewer will care about. I can't believe today was a good day.

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Couple of Big Daddy K's New York Crew. Cool pair of chick-a-deez
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Did you ever have one of those days.... when.... maybe... just maybe... being alone would feel better than being in a relationship. It's just crazy. It's never the big things that pile up on you. Well... sometimes it is I guess, but not for me. Not tonight. 13 and I have been doing this little dance for a couple weeks now. Specifics are really unimportant, just know that it sucks... sometimes. I had been almost resigned to the fact that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. I was comfortable with it. Did it hurt to think about... oh fuck yeah. But I took comfort in the thought that I had once felt love. It was the greatest feeling in the world... while it lasted. I always told myself "Yeah. You're going to be alone from here on in. Some people end up alone. It's the way the world spins. Hell, at least you knew it once. Some people never get that. You selfish prick. Be happy with what you got. loneliness is a feeling. You'll get over it."

That was my thought process. And I guess it still is to some degree. And it wasn't like I gave up trying. I was always flirting, hitting on, or just plain putting my heart on the line. 99% of the time I was met with rejection... sometimes my heart was returned to me in what could only be described as hamburger. But I picked it up.... processed my grief... and moved on. A little more slowly. A little more wary. A little colder. A little Harder. So when this thing with 13 started... I was of course expecting the worst. "You know how this ends. Pain is inevitable. Anger. Fear. No good can come of this."

I hate my fucking mind sometimes. Spinning and spinning and spinning. But for a time... I was able to push it all down. "Maybe this will work. Why not? Even a broken clock has the right time two times during the day. Certainly if a ball is pitched at you enough times, you'll have to hit a home run eventually. Right?" I can honestly say... at this moment.... I don't even want to play the game. Love can heal... and it can kill. You know, it's amazing. This world has taught me that not only does this moment exist.... but it exists throughout life. I wrote before about all the "bullshit" being worth it for those few, brief moments in life where heaven on earth is a reality.... and I still believe it. I'm fully aware that this feeling could go away with a kiss, hug, phone call letter... and this whole thing is just me feeling sorry for myself. I know this. It is a certainty. But yet.... it doesn't take away where my head and heart are right now.

And of course by right now I mean sitting in a tattoo shop at 1:54 AM. I guess I just need to get this shit out. Justin said I should just post my mind for a stronger mental health. I hope it works. I told 13 the other night, that sometimes I just want to grab her by the shoulders and tell her "Run. Get away from me as fast as you can. I'm fucked up in the head. I cause nothing but pain. You're not strong enough to handle me. Run." I'm starting to think she took it to heart..... Urrrghhhhh. Like I said.... just me sitting my own shit. I actually look back at what I've written and it makes me cringe. Fuck it. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I do have hope. It's been great deal bigger in the past few weeks, but I figure if I can keep one tiny flame away from the cold wind.... then maybe..... just maybe.....someday.....

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So... Justin and I were discussing some mild philosophy the other day. We talked about one of the theory's out there about how technology is advancing so fast that soon a kid will be able to walk into a toy shop and pick up a game called "Sim Universe". In that game the youngster will be able to create an entire universe with self aware beings that will live, love, suffer, and die. They will never know that their entire existence is for the pure amusement of a child. They will have feelings they will believe to be to exclusive within themselves. They will question why and the answer will never come.

On a whim the child may destroy parts of lives, planets, and even the entire universe. Of course this arises the question of weather or not we are already unknowing participants in this type of, for lack of a better word, entertainment. But that's a whole different post. In our discussion the question came up on when and if the youngster turned off the game and everything was blinked out of existence, would it be a relief for the creatures in the simulated universe. If the pain, suffering, fear, joy, pleasure, love were suddenly gone. Along with any trace that they ever existed.

I've been rolling around with it for a while now. I've really started paying attention to what my own feelings are. Especially now with a budding relationship with 13. If the question came up right now... at this moment... I'd say "Hit the power button. I'm tired. I'm lonely. I'm sad. I'm in pain. Make it all stop." But I also know that these feelings are for right now. I know that "This too shall pass". Justin and I discussed if the moments of joy, as quickly as they pass, outweigh the days, months, and years of suffering we endure.

I wasn't quite sure. Not sure if I ever will be come to think of it. But with this in mind, a couple days ago I was sitting with 13, and she leaned over and kissed me. No reason. Just felt like it. In that moment all I could feel was joy. Pure bliss. Legs go numb kind of happiness. My head swam as I tried to commit every last detail to memory, so I could reply it for an eternity in my mind. In that perfect moment I knew all the torment, pain, fear, sorrow I've endured in my entire life was one hundred percent worth it. Staring up at the stars with eyes filled with worry, and a heart filled with loneliness. Feeling very cold on a July day in the Las Vegas desert. Reaching out in the darkness and finding nothing but solitude. It all went away in that perfect moment. It happens like that a lot when I'm with her. Will it ever happen again? God knows... I believe that because of my faith..... But tonight...sitting in a cold tattoo studio...and 13 nowhere to be found..... "Somebody hit the power button".

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Thanksgiving 2005

Turkey Day 2005! Anna Maria, Lauren, Terri, Tavin, Jane, Gertrude. We started off having a brunch over at the ranch, moved on back home for the Bronco game, and then dinner at Terris' parents' house. 13 went to her sisters house oven in Frisco, so I flew solo....... sigh
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Great friends and food. Everything was cool
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Tommy Boy and Me.... before my Rockstar/Monster/Omega/Nos ..... and before Thoms MGD
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The ranch.... After this last big dump I'm sure everything is covered in white
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One of the coolest places on earth... frozen. Perfection is an myth
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Peacocks.... hehehehehe..... Pea.... Cocks..... Heheheh. I'm sorry. Sometimes I feel like a two year old. (not going for the obvious "but then the hunger passes joke) These guys were hanging at the ranch getting their grub on. As I write this I look out the window and see a foot of fresh powder.... Hmmmm... Peacocks in the rockies.... kind of worried. I blazed home to watch the Bronco game at 2
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BRONCOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Over time win!!!!!!!! BRONCOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know... I remember in week three, telling some of my friends that we were going to the Super Bowl.... and they laughed. Just wait. I'm only sweating Indy right now.... and even then... not that much. When Denver won their back to back Super Bowls (Super Bowls 32 & 33) I had bets on them to win before the seasons even started. Fuck yeah! That's right! Play on Player!
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After the Bronco game we all went over to Craig and Daryls for dinner. Standard turkey dinner.... it was sooooooo good. And I came to the conclusion that I eat that cranberry shit once a year
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Daryl, Terri, Lauren, Kelly. No "women in the kitchen jokes" coming. It's in poor taste... really... that and I'm pretty sure they could all kick my ass.
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I hate it when Justin holds his feelings in. For gods sake man. Vent. I think he's mad because Craig boggarted all the nitrous from the ready whip... can't blame him really
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Kelly and Thom.... ummmm... shit... I got nothing.... Merry Christmas Thom
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Barry kept saying he didn't feel good. I figured it was just McDonalds food, but I heard he went to the hospital last night with a ulcer. Living with the people in this valley, I'm suprised we all don't have ulcers... at least us locals
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Craig, Justin and Tavin.... on the edge of a whip it binder
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Lobo... busted.
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I love a good candid shot where everyone looks like shit. Barry hanging at the kids table. For some reason that just works
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Courage... trying to butter me up
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All told.... I feel.... very, very fat. The rest of the evening was capped off with 13... but none of y'all will ever see those pictures
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So, 13 and I went and saw Walk The Line last night. I gotta tell you..... Great fucking movie. Even if you're not a real Cash fan, I think you'd enjoy it. It totally reinforced my prior belief, which is... Johnny Cash is a badass cool mother fucker. Good date movie too.
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A friend of mine called up and said she was going to be in a play over the weekend. How could I not go. Gotta support your friends. Nothing like a high school play to make you feel better about yourself. Actually, it wasn't bad at all. Lyndsey was great. Small roll, but still good. I was kind of weirs being in that auditorium again, and seeing my old teachers.
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This is Gen 13. A comic book put out by Image. I'm just posting it up here so you can connect some dots about 13. Spelling is a little off... but close enough for a blog nickname
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A Trip To Bat Country

Hot Damn.... A little Vacation. Las Vegas & Palm Springs. I took off on the 3rd and came back on the 9th. The cast of players : Me, 13, ,Mom, Dad, Granny, Hunter S. Thompson, Flava Flav, Aries Spears, Paula Poundstone, Sophocles, Yanni, Costa, Teddy, Cassandra, Manny, Randy, Shauna, Stephanie, Will, Rick, Peter, Kevin, Alex, Jackie, Big Rick, Toby, City of Las Vegas, Palm Springs, Parahump Nevada, Los Angeles, Denver, Days Inn, Enterprise Car Rental, American Airlines, Rock Star Energy Drink. Thanks for everything.

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So my flight was at 4:30 PM. I left for Denver at 1:30. Plenty of time right? Oh fuck no. It took me 25 min to get from long term parking to the ticket counter. I remember standing in line for check in, thinking about what Mr. Dane Cook said about what people were thinking while standing in line at the DMV...."GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". But that never works. When I got to the counter the agent said the only way I was going to make the flight was if I could get my luggage thru security. I looked at her like she was nuts. If they're going to take away my finger nail clippers, I pretty sure they'd go ape shit when I tried to bring all my tattoo equipment on board. I'd end up in some back room in DIA for the next three months while they decided if I was attempting to take over the plane with a 5 needle liner. Needless to say... I missed the plane. The next one was in the AM. No real need to go back to Vail. 13 was already on her way to Michigan... Arrrggghhh

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Tell god your plans and wait for the laughter
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I decided/was talked into checking into a hotel for the night. At first I was freaking about missing the flight, but after a little thought and prayer.... I became really really happy at the Idea. I can't remember the last time I flew solo. for a night. I checked in... smoking room... drove over to Aurora Mall... picked up Chic-fil-a, since I hadn't had it in a decade....went back to the room.... took an hour long bath... jumped on the bed for 5 min straight, while giggling like an idiot... watched CSI NY. Crashed out. Caught the flight to Vegas at 930. It ended up being a real fun time.

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I had a layover in Los Angeles both to and from Vegas. I was coming back thru security after a well earned smoke break and Paula Poundstone (stand up comic) and Aries Spears were standing in back of me in the line. I never really get star struck, so I didn't think much about it. But what did give me a chuckle was when I turned back around they were eyeballing me. Looking as if they were trying to figure out who I was. I should've prefaced this by saying that whenever I travel I wear my sun glasses at all times. Hat pulled down low, and I try to keep my head down thinking about the task at hand. I keep the rock star attitude as much as possible. I laughed my ass off. On the way back I saw Flava Flav ... we gave each other the head nod. That was pretty cool, since I was listening to him on my MP3 player

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We Have To Stop Here... It's Bat Country

Finally landed in Vegas. A day late, but better late then never. It's alway good to be back home. I read Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas on my flight out. Laughed my ass off. Very appropriate for the whole vacation.
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Of course on of my first stops was Kyklos at the Galleria. Best greek food period. I've talked about it before, but I just can't tell you enough how good the heros are. And it doesn't hurt that Sophocles is a big part of my Vegas crew
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Soph, hooking up the heros all day long
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Teddy and Cassandra joined me for a little Greek lunch. It's always so great seeing Vegas crew. I hung out with Manny later on that night... it was real cool. I love the perspective old timers can give.
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Cassandra and I... I think she just figured out what was in the special sauce. A little Costa custard..... ok.... sorry... that was bad... sorry Costa
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Ok... Touch screen games at the Triangle Club. I played so much photohunt it was scary. I had to give it a shot, for old time sake. 13 on the intials....(((BIG SMILE)))
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Shauna and I. She may very well kill me for posting up this picture......... but fuck it.... I had a full life. She's due in December which means the next time I see her.... she'll be a mommie..... Hooooo - Leeeee Shit. She didn't think the name Brandon was a good one for her kid... not that I'm the father or anything... I just belive in spreading around the good stuff
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Teddy Bear at the Tri.
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Daytime strip. I dig this roller coaster at the Sahara. I was thinking about taking in some rides on this trip, but I think I'll enjoy in better in January when I go back. More friends... and "friends"... hopefully
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I keep driving by the Wynn. I've really got to stop in on my next trip home.
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Yet another reason Las Vegas kicks ass. Never mind the warm weather. For a vampire like me, the ability to get good food twenty four seven is a great thing. I'm not suggesting McDonalds is good food by any means, but a $2:99 steak and eggs over at the Gold Rush on Sunset and I-95 is a very good thing
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Roll'n down the strip... Mirage in the background
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I love the skull rock at Treasure Island
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More strip..... It's a shame Treasure Island turned into TI.
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The view outside my Pops place in Pahrump. I used to tell people he lived out there, but I kept getting blank stares. It's easier just to say Vegas at this point. Only my Vegas crew knows where Pahrump is anyways. Dad said he was going to move back to Vegas in the next few months, so hopefully this will all be a moot point. His house now is really cool. My grandmother did a hell of a job putting it togeather
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My temp pimp ride. I gotta give big thank to the boyz over at Enterprise car rental on Sahara. The hooked me up. We rented from the Enterprise at the airport because that was the only place that had a full size available. The boyz on Sahara said to bring it back the following day and they'd rewrite the paperwork so I didn't have to pay the airport tax. I think it saved me like fifty bucks. Great guys... highly recommended
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Dug up my motorcycle helmet. I'm thinking about importing Angel (my motorcycle) up to Vail for next season. "Guilty..... Like you're not", two anime American flags and an Alcoholics Anonymous logo sticker. I'm all over the board.

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Dad, Granny, and I took off for California thru Death Vally. I expected more skeletons with empty canteens and vultures circling over head.... alas... not even one.
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