So... Justin and I were discussing some mild philosophy the other day. We talked about one of the theory's out there about how technology is advancing so fast that soon a kid will be able to walk into a toy shop and pick up a game called "Sim Universe". In that game the youngster will be able to create an entire universe with self aware beings that will live, love, suffer, and die. They will never know that their entire existence is for the pure amusement of a child. They will have feelings they will believe to be to exclusive within themselves. They will question why and the answer will never come.

On a whim the child may destroy parts of lives, planets, and even the entire universe. Of course this arises the question of weather or not we are already unknowing participants in this type of, for lack of a better word, entertainment. But that's a whole different post. In our discussion the question came up on when and if the youngster turned off the game and everything was blinked out of existence, would it be a relief for the creatures in the simulated universe. If the pain, suffering, fear, joy, pleasure, love were suddenly gone. Along with any trace that they ever existed.

I've been rolling around with it for a while now. I've really started paying attention to what my own feelings are. Especially now with a budding relationship with 13. If the question came up right now... at this moment... I'd say "Hit the power button. I'm tired. I'm lonely. I'm sad. I'm in pain. Make it all stop." But I also know that these feelings are for right now. I know that "This too shall pass". Justin and I discussed if the moments of joy, as quickly as they pass, outweigh the days, months, and years of suffering we endure.

I wasn't quite sure. Not sure if I ever will be come to think of it. But with this in mind, a couple days ago I was sitting with 13, and she leaned over and kissed me. No reason. Just felt like it. In that moment all I could feel was joy. Pure bliss. Legs go numb kind of happiness. My head swam as I tried to commit every last detail to memory, so I could reply it for an eternity in my mind. In that perfect moment I knew all the torment, pain, fear, sorrow I've endured in my entire life was one hundred percent worth it. Staring up at the stars with eyes filled with worry, and a heart filled with loneliness. Feeling very cold on a July day in the Las Vegas desert. Reaching out in the darkness and finding nothing but solitude. It all went away in that perfect moment. It happens like that a lot when I'm with her. Will it ever happen again? God knows... I believe that because of my faith..... But tonight...sitting in a cold tattoo studio...and 13 nowhere to be found..... "Somebody hit the power button".

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